Dear Pre-pregnancy Jeans,
It's not me, it's you. You seem to have changed so much since I first bought you over 2 years ago. You sit there in my closet & mock me as I wriggle my once non-existent hips into those Spanx. I bet you're laughing when you think about my new found mom pooch all bundled up in there. It's like I blinked & you suddenly changed into a whole new pair of jeans. One that I've never seen before. It's like I don't even know you. We used to have so much fun together, but now when I see you, I realize that our relationship definitely isn't what it used to be. I used to just slide you right on with a little tank & just sit right on down without worrying about the muffin top overhang. But now…now I see you in a whole new light. I guess I kind of took you for granted though.
So, listen, I think I'm ready to give it another shot. I mean, we DID have some good times together, right? I think maybe one day we can work it out. I guess I have to work myself out first. So, here's to trying to rekindle an old flame! See you soon, Suckas.